What with the debate over the Sperry property, cvillenews.com regular Jackson Landers has written a timely piece on the topic. This is the very first article in our new satire section (note the icon), a category to which Jack is likely to be providing a good bit of material. Read on.
Dear Big Development Company,
I’ve really appreciated and enjoyed the time that we’ve spent together. You’ve made me feel special in a way that no out of town developer has since Lee Danielson blew into town.
I know that you’re looking for a real commitment. You’re not going to be happy until you know that you can move right into that old Sperry Marine property. To spread your wings and build a multiplex theater, a hotel and some day even have a cluster of big box stores that we can call our own. I want those things too, but I’m just not ready.
When Sperry Marine left town, it left a big hole in my life. My head may be downtown, but my heart will always be on route 29, right across from the Post Office and kind of near Chi-Chi’s and Marshalls. That traffic light has been green for no one for a long time now. But I’m just not ready to move into a new relationship.
I don’t know if it’s just fear of commitment, fear of getting hurt again. You know how it is. You go through all the months of zoning and bulldozing and permits. Then the next thing you know, that special someone runs off and ‘merges’ with some high-tech corporate bimbo and it’s over.
So I’m sorry, Big Development. I’m just not ready to commit to this. I’ve been hurt too many times. All I can tell you is to remember that there are other fish in the sea. Try Northern Virginia.
Sincerely,
Charlottesville City Council
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