Molly Divines Camblos’ Fortune

Because Albemarle County Commonwealth’s Attorney Jim Camblos is dabbling in astrology — claiming yesterday that a suspect’s birth date is indicative of his likely guilt — Charlottesville’s own blogging astrologer Molly Cliborne has been so kind to provide a reading for Mr. Camblos. His birth date is December 29, 1945. That, Molly writes, makes him subject to addiction and a gambler by nature. Helping nothing, December 29 is a dark date in history: Thomas Becket’s slaying, the burning of Buffalo, the Wounded Knee Massacre, The Second Great Fire of London, the Hotel Roosevelt Fire, the Eastern Airlines Tristar crash, the LaGuardia bombing, and the Lima fire all happened on that date.

Keep reading for Molly’s wry reading o’ the planets.

On April 20, 1999 in Colorado, two students entered their high school with weapons and killed several of their classmates. They did this on Adolf Hitler’s birthday. In 2006, a 13 year old Albemarle County student was found with some manner of mischief. Smoke bombs I heard it was. This boy was born on Adolf Hitler’s birthday in 1993 if my calculations are correct. Six years before Columbine. Obviously something is up, and the kid should be arrested as if he had real bombs and brought to trial. Jim Camblos said it best: the “ringleader” was born on Hitler’s birthday and the anniversary of Columbine. We took that very, very seriously. Of course.

On December 29, 2004, there was a deadly tsunami that killed over a hundred thousand people in Asia. Andrew Johnson was born December 29, 1808. He was elected President, but he got overwhelmed with everything and wound up getting himself impeached. Jim Camblos was born December 29, 1945. He was elected Commonwealth Attorney. It follows logically then, that Camblos should be removed from office. Because obviously he was making a statement, loud and clear, by being born so brazenly on Andrew Johnson’s birthday and the retroactive anniversary of the Asian tsunami. Coincidence? I think not. You’re right Mr. Camblos. It’s all quite obvious. We need to take this very, very seriously.

Now as a responsible astrologer, I need to tell you that the planets impel, they do not compel. No astrologer can look at a natal chart (a map of the solar system at the time of birth) and tell you if someone is going to turn out good or bad, prince or pauper. The chart shows potential, and potential is neutral until it is directed, yes? We all have free will, and it’s the astrologer’s job to help you understand the bumps in the road, NOT to pigeon-hole you or tell your fortune.

But Jim Camblos thinks that one’s date of birth is grounds enough for arrest, so let’s give him a taste of his own medicine. There are signs in his birth chart that he may be predisposed to having a little addiction problem. (That actually would explain his odd logic, and his dismissive attitude toward his critics.) If he were my client, I’d advise him of this potential and suggest ways of developing the more positive aspects of this planetary arrangement. But we are in Camblos reality now. So should we arrest him for DUI, public intoxication, drugs, or hookers? Hell if I know, but we might as well get him off the streets. Capricorn is typically a reserved sign, loving the good life and the trappings of success. They are not normally risk takers, but given the right circumstances, this man’s a gambler; he does take risks. Most of the time he knows when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em. Other times, whoops. And he drives too fast, especially when he’s angry. Let’s nail him for reckless AND drunk driving and take away his license before he hurts someone.