School Shinola Showdown

This story from the Waynesboro News Virginian is awesome:

A student who defecated in a lunchroom bowl triggered a series of events that culminated in the recent walkout by four workers in the Fort Defiance High School cafeteria, The News Virginian has learned.


It all began Feb. 9 when two Fort students — including a guidance counselor’s son — bet a third student $15 he would not defecate in a bowl.

You can see where this is going, but you’ve got to read it anyway.

If this were in Charlottesville, I’d be outraged. But the fact that it’s in Augusta renders it merely hilarious. Extra bonus points to the News Virginian for the title (“Poop prank leads to uproar” — I love the alliteration) and the great word substitution in this quote:

“This is the first I’ve heard of the [feces] incident,” Shiflett said. “I hope you have your facts straight.”

Who can come up with some alternate headlines?

6 Responses to “School Shinola Showdown”

  • I’ve got three:

    Shitter Shames School System
    Loaf Laid, Loses Lunch Ladies
    Defecation Defeats Fort Defiance

  • Butt Bowl Business Buggers Brunch

    Crap Causes Consternation; Cafeteria Craftpersons Castigated

  • That was a funny story.

    The Cafeteria workers over reacted with their indignation at the prank.

    The kid that pooped in the bowl shouldn’t have been expelled while the children that put him up to it only recieved minor suspensions. They all should’ve been expelled.. or all only recieved suspensions.

    And the cafeteria worker shouldn’t have been fired for trying to break up a fight. Unless you want to fire the next teacher that tries to break up a fight. That she was charged with assault.. that’s offensive. Think about the next teacher that has to break up a fight. Perhaps they should be charged with assault too?

    Okay ’nuff with the serious comentary.. here’s my stab at a fun title:

    “Fight over Feces Points to Pungent Social Inequity Issues In Schools”

  • Dookie Dis’ Disrupts Dining; Dimwits Dismissed

    Feces Flak Foments Frustration; Freshmen Fazed, Four Foodsters Flummoxed

  • I’m reminded of “Ragtime”. Some white firefighter defecated on the front seat of a car belonging to Coalhouse Walker, a black man. Much social and political unrest followed.

    If you disassociate yourself with the fact that these cafeteria workers are real human beings, this is a pretty funny incident. That is, it would bring a chuckle in some dopey movie.

    But, it wasn’t a dopey movie and some kid’s mother who works in the school cafeteria had to face a bowl of steaming turd. Not cool. They ought to expect much social and political unrest to follow.

  • Bilco, that second one rocks. :)

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