My life was dark, and without meaning. I moved through the days as a blind man through fog, my vision obscured but I too blind to know.
Yesterday, the heavens opened up, trumpets pealed, and the angels descended. My pathetic life, at long last, has meaning. Verily, Chez Target has opened.
No longer must I cover my face in shame as I skulk through Wal-Mart among those of my financial class and, yet, to whom I know I am innately superior. No longer must I suffer the slings and arrows of an outrageous drive to Short Pump. My empty life can be filled with cleverly-designed consumer goods, very much like those found at Wal-Mart, yes, only somehow better, in ways that I could not explain. Target is my shepherd, I shall not want.
It’s like when Krispy Kreme opened. Only the high will last longer this time. I just know it.